May 1, 2013 § 1 Comment
January 19, 2012 § Leave a comment
The other night was one of those nights. You know the ones I’m talking about. Your body is physically exhausted but your brain feels like its just had a triple shot of espresso with chocolate covered coffee beans and a Rock Star chaser. It’s nights like this that make me feel as if I will never EVER fall asleep again.
So…I laid there, tossing and turning…unable to stop the myriad of thoughts swirling through my supernaturally caffeinated brain. It started with something completely innocent…hmmm I wonder if my black sweater is clean. It’s so cold in my office I don’t know if that would be warm enough. Oh! I know. I’ll wear my fleece vest over it with the purple scarf…that will work!
I hoped against hope that would be it for the night. That I would close my eyes and drift off to sleep content that I had a plan of action for the morning. WRONG! I proceeded to think about my job…the fact that I hadn’t blogged in days…the coming weekend…the new car I wanted…the fact that my cat wasn’t coming in to visit me…where is she anyway? And then I did it. I did a very bad thing! I looked at the time.
I had to physically pick up my cell phone by my bedside to see what time it was. I don’t have any other clock in my room…I do this specifically so I won’t obsess about what time it is! According to my cell phone its 11:50pm. CRAP! I immediately think, if I go to sleep now I will get 6 and a half hours of sleep. That’s gonna happen. Yep. I take a deep breath, snuggle down into the covers and do my best to shut my mind off.
Riiiiight. Did I really think I was going to get off that easy? The next bout of mental diarrhea hits me hard and…that stew Rachel made on 30 Minute Meals looked awesome…maybe I should make it tomorrow night for dinner. I’ll need to look in the fridge before I leave for work in the morning…do I have gas in the car…if not I don’t think I have cash in my purse so I will have to use my debit card…I hope I have enough money in my account because I don’t get paid until Thursday…and its a good thing I’m getting paid because I still have to pay the tax for my license plate sticker. If I don’t do that by the end of the month it will expire and I certainly don’t have enough money to pay for a ticket for having expired plates. Oh yeah…plates! I need to remember to bring that plate back to Amanda because its been sitting on the counter in the kitchen for like 2 weeks now…when I check for the stew ingredients in the morning I should grab that from the counter and put it in my car and just drop it by her house after work. WORK! Damn it…what time is it? I need to go to sleep!
And again…I break the rule. NEVER look at the clock when you can’t sleep. Why you ask? Because its now 1:15am…and…if I go to sleep now I will get 5 hours and 15 minutes of sleep. Are you flippin’ kidding me?!?
OK. I can do this. I should try breathing from my diaphragm. That usually relaxes me. That…and those massage chairs at Nail Trust. I love to recline and get a back massage when I get a pedicure. I could really use a pedicure now! I think I’ll go this weekend since I’m getting paid. I’ll have to call Thu tomorrow and make an appointment…and since I’ll be on that side of town I can take back that perfume I got for Christmas that my mom spent way too much money for…while I’m at the mall I need to get some black socks. I can’t seem to keep track of them. You’d think the house would be full of black socks I’ve bought so many. I have plenty of brown socks…blue socks…TONS of white socks…where do all the black ones go? Maybe its because I always wear black to work…WORK. WORK! Shit!
My room is illuminated yet again as I reach for my cell phone to check the time. 2:02am…if I go to sleep now I will get 4 and a half hours of sleep…well maybe 5 if I hit the snooze button on my cell phone alarm five times…I can do that. I can make that work…I won’t have time to shower…or I guess I could shower, but then I won’t have time to get gas in my car…or, god forbid…I could skip my stop for coffee and squeak in the door at work just at 8:00am. You know what…clean hair is way over rated…I’m getting my morning coffee.
January 8, 2012 § 1 Comment
You know, the white candy stick of yummy goodness you dipped repeatedly into what suspiciously looked like colored sugar? Well it appears that candy is all grown up now.
Last night my friend Kara and I went to dinner and after we were finished, she handed me a package of Fun Dip and instructed me to read the back of the package…outloud. By the time I finished I was blushing like a school girl and laughing so hard I nearly snorted water out my nose. The diners around us looked a bit irritated and I felt like I had just read an excerpt from Penthouse Forum!
We laughed ourselves out, and I left, promising Ms. Kara I would immortalize the experience in writing. I could hardly wait to get home and open up my own personal package of Cherry Yum Diddly Dip!
And because I’m nice…I thought I would share the message that Willy himself puts on every package!
Greetings to you from Willy Wonka himself. Tremendous things are in store for you! Many tasty treats await you! Inside this scrumdiddlyumptious package you will find mystic and marvelous surprises that will entrance, intrigue and delight you beyond measure. So don’t just stand there with your mouth open…go on. Feed your imagination.
Note to self…maybe I should consider working at Willy’s place my dream job.
January 5, 2012 § 5 Comments
There were days in college that I would dream of the job I would have one day. It would always be a really cool creative job in downtown Boston that allowed me to take business lunches with friends and do exciting stuff like name crayons or beanie babies.
Twenty five years later I have finally realized that dream is OBVIOUSLY not in the cards. I am living in Des Moines and am happy to be here. So…because I’m a perpetual believer in never giving up hope, I’ve upgraded my dream. This time, I’m dreaming of a really cool creative job that allows me to work from home in my pajamas, while sitting on my couch with my laptop and my kitties. I figured as long as I’m dreaming I might as well dream big…
So here is my audition for the OPI dream job…love em or leave em!
- Red: Ronald McDonald
- Orange: Orange you glad I didn’t say banana
- Red Orange: I love it when you call me big poppie
- Yellow: When life gives you lemons
- Yellow Green: Lets call a chartreuse
- Green: Eco Friendly
- Blue Green: Turquoise and Caicos
- Blue: I guess that’s why they call it the blues
- Light Purple: Lilac and rest awhile
- Red Violet: Roses are red violet
- Brown: What can brown do for you
- Black: Back in black
- White: White noise
And don’t worry! I haven’t quit my day job.
Yes…yes, I know there are some serious trademark infringements here, but can’t a girl dream?